I would have loved pour out all I'm going through but posting about personal issues can be really boring to some people and also, some might think this is some sort of competition cos of the rate at which people speak about their ordeals lately. I have done something really terrible which I personally go crazy anytime I think of it to my mom. All I feel right now is depression, anxiety, unhappiness and frustration that I'm afraid I may do something crazy. 


December 2018, a boy in my neighborhood who is also like a relative started making some savings with me, unfortunately that was the time I started betting as well. I used to be very trustworthy when it comes to managing people's money that's why he entrusted his money in my care.

Betting later got the best of me, I used part of the money to bet, that was how this ordeal started. In the quest of refunding the money I used on betting, I kept losing the more. I lost up to 90k before coming up with a lie of how the money was stolen in my forex trading account but I promised to refund the money.

While trying to refund the money I kept losing the little I had with me till I got hold of my mom's bank account, this started around October last year. I kept using my mom's money and the loss kept accumulating. I was able to recover the loss on my mom's bank account before 2019 ended. Now to 2020, the boy kept asking for his money, I had to return to using my mom's money again as I had no other hope of getting the money.. how I wish I had told my mom about the whole thing when it was still amendable. Fast forward to today, I have used virtually all my mom's bank savings from betting to forex trading without her knowledge.

When she noticed about the error in her account, I had to lie I helped her fix her account as she doesn't make withdrawals from her account  cos she's a trader who doesn't use her bank savings for her business.. I'm finished now, I lied to her the duration of the fix is 4 months and she's expecting the money with return by August ending.

Together with the money I owe the other boy, I'm in over 600k debt... I seriously don't know how I got here, I wish I can turn back time, I feel drained... I don't know what to do with my life, I feel like I have failed the woman who has always shown me nothing but love and care. I failed her, I failed the woman who has always trusted me to be a good son.  I even had to lie to her! Each time I think of telling her about everything, I get sick. I can't keep on going this way.. I just want this to end. I'm really SAD

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